so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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