so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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