I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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