the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
