i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
