FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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