so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
