How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
