wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize