even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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