Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
