I'm so fucking centered right now
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
