We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
