this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
