he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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