This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
