Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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