I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
