oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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