I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
