why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
