u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
