I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
