after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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