We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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