I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize