In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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