I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
