She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
