Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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