Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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