your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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