i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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