The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Green mimosas i think yes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
