I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
