her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Enjoy the penises
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
