Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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