after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
