dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
