I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
