i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
