I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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