I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
