So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
