Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
