Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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