You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
