In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
