you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How does one acquire holy water?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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