What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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