Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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