this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
