Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
