hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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