$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we should paint friendship bongs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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