i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
