it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
