Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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