Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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