I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
