I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He better not be in your backpack
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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