Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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