if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
