Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
