What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize