I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
