i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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