i permit you to call me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
